Paralysed.

I'm back!! It has been far too long since my last post but without realising, I just felt I needed a break from dealing with myself in such a way that writing things was possible and I just sometimes want to get on with my life as it is, not over analysing everything and comparing myself to everyone else on the internet. I'm just gonna dive right in with this post, I'll try and catch up on everything else later today or something but right now, I am suffering to say the least. I probably averaged about 3 hours sleep last night and I am not feeling good. It took me hours and hours to switch off my brain; stupid thing was in negative overdrive and was convincing me of my complete lack of worth in life til about 3am. It is such a frustrating thing to lie in the dark getting upset, knowing that the only thing upsetting you is yourself, and that you know 98% of what you are telling yourself is utter bollocks but you can't help but get totally caught up in it and just feel crap. So that was the first part of my night. Sadly, it only went downhill. I must have fallen asleep at some point, only to have horrible nightmares and wake up, but to what is commonly known as sleep paralysis. I have had this quite a few times but it never becomes less terrifying. Basically, you are pretty much awake, but still feel like you're in a nightmare (someone is in the room or something) and you literally can not move. You can't shout or even twitch, you are completely stuck in the nightmare. It is by far one of the most horrible things to experience in the middle of the night. I was so scared to go back to sleep but must have kept drifting because this happened at least five times, all I wanted was to scream and move away but instead I continued to be trapped in myself for a while, before waking fully, and thrashing around for a while. I finally opted for putting my fairy lights on and my laptop and trying to stay awake because that was the only way to avoid it. Again, I must have eventually drifted and got a couple of half decent hours sleep and now, here I am. Sorry for the moan, I feel I need to write about it to make it seem a little less scary or something. Has anyone else ever suffered from this? I think I might try and doze off for an hour or so, it's dad's birthday and I would prefer not to be a total zombie later.
I promise to try and update my blog later, and add a couple of reviews I have planned but just never published.

Becca.