Recently..

I can't believe I haven't written anything in over a week! Bad Becca. But it has been a hectic kinda time so I do apologise. Last weekend I celebrated my birthday a bit early because Mitch was up and I wanted him to be involved:) (even though it resulted in him telling me I have a surprise but it isn't ready yet.. Grrr) It was so lovely to have him here again, we just chilled with an almighty Indian on Friday with mum, Ben and Chantelle which was lovely. On Saturday we did the rounds, visiting Kate and the beautiful Maia who has three whole teeth now and is too cute and too much fun to even put into words. Followed by dad and then Soph and Stanley.As much as I enjoy being busy and having so many fab people in my life, I am still not great at loads of interaction and stuff so it really exhausts me and I feel quite overwhelmed at times, but nothing an episode of the Office and a nap can't cure. Then it was time for a night out in Manchester with the gang which was as usual, a massive hoot. Font and Factory did not disappoint, nor did any of my pals who had me smiling, laughing and dancing the night away. Special mention to Kyle and Soph for the highlights of the evening:)
I ended up heading back down south for a few days with Mitch because as long as I have my laptop, job hunting can be done. It was nice to see Nick, Michele and the sausage doggies again and I now have a mini tie dye project and some dog sitting booked in. Yipee.
I don't know whether it was having such a hectic weekend or just my stupid brain in general, but for the majority of the week I was feeling so overwhelmed and low. I felt like I was drowning and just totally unable to do anything. It was so horrible. It becomes a massive battle to try and do anything, I have had absolutely no appetite and no desire to do anything, just no emotion or personality in general. It was so frustrating because I have no idea how to get over downers like that, they just take over and I suppose all I can do is keep trudging on but that can be really difficult too. I should be starting my new counselling soon so hopefully I will be able to ask for help about that then. Although my brain would have had me in a dark, quiet room for god knows how long, I had no choice but to face the world on Thursday because me and Chantelle had tickets to see Macklemore at the Apollo. I am sometimes really glad of things I can't back out of, although they may be really scary to begin with, they can be the jump start I need to not give up just yet. Macklemore was AWESOME. Such a great atmosphere. Crowds can be my nemesis but neither me or Chan were in a fit state to be battling our way to the front, it was nice to just chill at the back and soak it all in.
Friday also helped re-energise me a bit; an adventure out in to the Lake District with Soph. We took Max and went walking and ate gingerbread and pub lunches and giggled far too much. All the fresh air gave me that really nice sleepy feeling; not pure exhaustion but tierdness that comes from spending all day outside. Sleep is another thing that depression ruins for me because it can take forever to actually fall asleep because my brain just buzzes with all sorts of thoughts from the mundane to the terrifying. Then, even when I do sleep, nightmares and crazy dreams rule. One of the common side affects of anti-depressants is more vivid dreams and I had them pretty bad anyway so they can be really horrific now and I wake up from a sleep, I feel more knackered than when I shut my eyes. Bonkers and frustrating all in one. Even though this was the case as usual on Friday, it was quite nice to go to bed feeling sleepy for a change.
I am still job hunting with a vengence but also getting excited for my birthday on Tuesday because I am still a big kid at heart and then it's mumma's 60th on Friday! So hopefully I will have a week filled with as many positive vibes as possible!
I have been planning way more reviews and posts coming so I am really gonna try keep up with that and get back into the swing of things!

I have added a button to on the side of my blog so you can follow me on Bloglovin' and keep up to date if you wish!:)

Becca.