Frustration.

Today is an annoyingly dark day for me, despite this amazing weather we're having. I'm usually a firm believer in the sun making everything just a little bit better, but not today. Depression is such a cruel thing, it makes the smallest things seem earth shatteringly bad and it is so easy to become overwhelmed and lost in the bleakness. It i so frustrating, yesterday, i got off the train and was met by my roomie for a glorious swim in the sea. And this morning, more beautiful blue skies. And yet I have just got of the phone with my mum, crying and snuffling like a child. I'm having very little luck job hunting and it is seriously starting to get to me as i hate having nothing to do and rejection sucks. It just stresses me out. So many aspects of employment terrify me, interacting with strangers, learning new things, not knowing if a panic attack is gonna ruin anything; but the actual process of asking around and applying is by far the worst thing, I completely accept that rejection is a part of life, but the irrational part of my brain just blows it out of proportion and makes me feel totally worthless and lost. I seriously feel like I have no idea what I'm doing and I hate it. 

So yeah, it may be blue skies outside but it is very much black skies and thunderstorms in my head.