Lately..

Time for another ramble about myself I suppose? Recently I've got a few messages off people reading my blog and it's been really touching to me that people take a few moments of their day to look at my ramblings and show their support. So to all of you, thank you. It's still a bit of a foreign thing to me, but I am really enjoying it and it is quite therapeutic writing it all down.

I went to the doctors on Tuesday and she has started me on a whole new group of anti-depressants, I am on half strength plus my old tablets for a week and then on to full strength of the new ones. I haven't had as many crushing low moods in the last few days but I have had some hideous anxiety. Sometimes it feels as if someone just has hold of my heart and is squeezing tighter and tighter and I can't breath properly and then I get lightheaded and feel sick. Not the most fun ever. Especially when you're merely watching tv and have no reason to feel like that. But I'm surviving. The doctor has also put me in touch with the counselling services up here so I have to speak to them on Thursday to see what help I can get now. As much a the thought of more counselling TERRIFY'S me, I know that in the long run, it has to be a good thing right? I also really want to try CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). I have heard a lot about this and it is supposed to be pretty helpful for people like me. It deals with your thought processes and how to try and control them. Because my depression is all linked to chemical imbalances and what not, it is a very difficult thing to control, it is all in my head. CBT tries to help you identify the thoughts that set you off spiralling into negativity, so for me, all the bad things I think about myself and all the fears and things that start off the crushing darkness. It seeks to take thoughts like this and help you rationalise them and not let them spiral out of control. I accept that there is no guarantee with things like this, but I have reached a point where I would really like to take back a bit of control and see if I am capable of fighting this battle.

As I have been pretty up and down and stuff, I haven't been doing anything too exciting but I still like to try and keep busy so I am not completely giving up. That is where cooking comes in. My mum is a fantastic cook and I have grown up learning her tricks and passion for baking etc. So this week, many homemade foods have been had..

Homemade pizza, dough and all...:) And I am a salad fiend at the moment so had to have some greens with it..

Rustled up my trusty burgers for pa on Wednesday.

Favourite little gadget ever! I love garlic and put it in most things (within reason of course) And this is my dad's version of a garlic press from the German Market's in Manchester. You use the white tube to roll the clove in and the skin comes off. You then drizzle a bit of oil on the 'plate' and rub the clove all over it. The spikey pattern breaks down the clove and you don't waste a single bit and are left with a lovely crushed garlic paste that you brush off with the little brush. Amazing ey!

Is there anything you like to do to keep busy?

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Becca.